Resolving the Effects of Abuse

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

1. Resolving the Effects of Abuse

"And whosoever shall offend one of these little ones that believe in me, it is better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he were cast into the sea."1

A Daily Encounter reader writes, "Could you please lend some encouragement for those of us who were sexually abused as young girls by a family member. I know it is a 'taboo' subject, but in my case, because of the abuse, I am still unmarried and I don't understand why God has not answered my lifelong prayer for a mate, especially since he knows the crippling emotional pain that I faced and how desperately I need male love."

I have often wondered if the words of Jesus in today's Scripture verse didn't apply to adults who abuse small children. Child abuse, whether it is physical, emotional or sexual is a grave offense against helpless children and is psychologically very damaging-often extremely damaging.

In my work, I have worked with many a victim and have seen first-hand some of the devastating results. One woman had been used in child pornography by one of her parents in order to make money! The struggles this victim has gone through in both her personal life and marriage have been horrific. Fortunately she is both committed to God and to the healing process, and after years of hard work is now a qualified counselor, herself helping others.

Those of us in the work of ministering to others could give numerous other examples. Sad to say, abuse is in the church as well as outside of it. The reality is that hurt people hurt people. And so often parents who themselves were abused as children, unless they resolve their hurt, tend to abuse others including their own offspring.

So how does an abused victim overcome her or his problem?

First, prayer. Some say that God uses prayer and prayer alone to bring abuse victims healing. I wish this were always true. However, I haven't personally witnessed this. Yes, I believe solidly in prayer and I believe strongly in making prayer the foundation for any and all healing. But we need to pray the right prayer; that is, if I am an abuse victim, I need to ask God to confront me with the truth of what I may still be contributing in any way to my situation, to reveal to me all that I need to know about my problem, and lead me to the help I need to face and resolve all of my self-destructive feelings and beliefs and overcome them.

Second, I need to quit the blame and self-pity game. Yes, we need to acknowledge the fact that we were abused, and deal with and resolve our hurt and anger so that we get to the point of forgiveness. If I stay in the self-pity blame game, I will B - LAME. Third, most abuse victims need qualified and skillful counseling to help them work through their struggle, get to their buried feelings and express them creatively, and then to reprogram their feelings, negative thinking, and beliefs about themselves so they learn to trust again. This is not easy. It needs God's help, determination, and a solid commitment to healing, growth and recovery, and most often the help of a skilled and qualified counselor.

Suggested prayer: "Dear Heavenly Father, there is such a need for the healing of wounded, broken souls all around us. Please use me to be a 'wounded' healer and grant that the church will become a healing center for us all. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name. Amen."

1. Mark 9:42 (KJV).

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Clergy Sex Abuse Victims List 'America's Worst Cardinals'

16 Apr 2008 10:00 Africa/Lagos


SNAP: Clergy Sex Abuse Victims List 'America's Worst Cardinals'

Group cites 5 prelates who are mishandling child molestation

SNAP wants Pope to 'show he means business' by censuring 'at least one of them'

The cases show that 'church cover ups and recklessness continue,' self help group says

Heads of Los Angeles, Chicago, Houston and Boston archdioceses are criticized

WASHINGTON, April 16 /PRNewswire/ -- WHAT


At sidewalk news conferences, while holding signs and childhood photos, clergy sex abuse victims will


-- disclose a list of what they call 'America's five worst Cardinals' (in
terms of the sex abuse & cover-up scandal),
-- outline recent incidents by each that show their continuing
recklessness, secrecy and duplicity, and
-- publicly urge the Pope to chastise just one of them for the recent
misdeeds.


WHEN
Wednesday, April 16, from 1:00 p.m. until 2:30 p.m.

WHERE

Outside the Guy Mason Recreation Center & Park (202-282-2180), 3600 Calvert NW (corner of Observatory Circle) in Washington DC


WHO


A handful of women and men who were molested as kids by Catholic clergy and who head a nationwide support group called SNAP, the Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests (SNAPnetwork.org)


WHY


Today, at 1:00 p.m., Pope Benedict meets with roughly 16 US Cardinals. A few blocks away, victims will hold 5 large signs, with color photos of (and fact sheets about) the five current US Cardinals who, they feel, have mishandled or are severely mishandling recent child sex abuse cases.


SNAP's focus is less on the cardinals' overall track record on child molestation and cover ups, but rather highlights the prelates' misdeeds since 2002, when the US bishops adopted an allegedly binding national sex abuse policy.


The list includes Cardinal Francis George of Chicago, Cardinal Daniel DiNardo of Houston, Cardinal Roger Mahony of Los Angeles, and Cardinal Sean O'Malley of Boston.


George is cited for ignoring the 2005 advice of his lay review board to suspend a young accused pedophile priest, Fr. Daniel McCormack, who'd been recently arrested because of abuse allegations. George kept McCormack in active parish ministry despite repeated reports of McCormack's suspected abuse (going back to his seminary days). Months later, prosecutors say he molested several boys, one "on an almost daily basis" until he was arrested again in 2006.


O'Malley is cited because last month, church officials disclosed that his archdiocese (the epicenter of the US abuse crisis) is in serious violation of the national sex abuse policy for the second year in a row. One in five Boston Catholic kids are not getting the sex abuse prevention training that was promised for each child by O'Malley and his peers six years ago.


The Pope/Cardinals meeting is at the Vatican Embassy on Massachusetts Avenue (in the residence across from the US Naval Observatory).


CONTACT
David Clohessy of St. Louis, SNAP national director 314 566 9790 cell
Peter Isely of Milwaukee, SNAP board chair emeritus 414 429 7259 cell
Barbara Blaine of Chicago, SNAP president 312 399 4747 cell
Barbara Dorris of St. Louis, SNAP 314 503 0003 cell

Source: SNAP

CONTACT: David Clohessy, national director, +1-314-566-9790, cell, or
Peter Isely, board chair emeritus, +1-414-429-7259, cell, or Barbara Blaine,
president, +1-312-399-4747, cell, or Barbara Dorris, +1-314-503-0003, cell,
all of SNAP


Web site: